I was feeling really great about myself the other day because I was out driving by myself for the first time. I got my driver’s license about a month ago, after passing the road test on the second try.
I was pleasantly surprised by how well it was going when all of a sudden I heard the sirens and saw the flashing lights of multiple fire trucks and ambulances. I tried my best to stay calm, but realized that a fire truck in front of me was stuck due to a double-parked car in the narrow NYC street. Two firefighters got out of their truck and instructed us to back-up.
They don’t teach you how to drive in reverse an entire city block. They don’t teach you how to manage the overstimulation of sirens and cars honking at you because you are going too slow.
They don’t teach you how to manage your ADHD and her best friend Anxiety when behind the wheel.
But I asked for help. The firefighters had to guide me in backing out of that block. My head was spinning, my heart was racing and sometimes when I’m overstimulated I cry and yell. It was a lot, yall I’m not gonna hold you.
Inside my head relives these moments with continuous scrutiny.
“They didn’t teach me this in driving school and it wasn’t on the road test!” I try to be funny.
“Well you need to get your money back!” the Firefighter responds encouraging me to move the wheel left and right.
I don’t think I would have made it without asking for this support. This year I have been forced to confront what it means to ask for support and help. I even had a dream where everything that could possibly go wrong did, but at every step of the way I had friends and family there to support me. My spirits are telling me that I’m never alone, and I am grateful for it.
At the end of the day I backed out of that street, and even though I was mid panic attack, I still managed to get home. It wasn’t easy though. As soon as I walked through my door I collapsed into a sobbing fit. I remembered that crying is a form of healing that I had hidden away. Unmasking means finally allowing myself to really feel. Right now I feel so proud of myself for my ability to overcome all sorts of challenges I face.
Whoever said driving is liberating LIED. I am exhausted!
Time Blind ADHD 